the shell

The other day I attended a public speaking club. There was an oyster prize for whoever came out of his/her shell for the first time. The prize went to an Arabic man with heavily accented English. He was the duty evaluator for the first time on that night. His performance left us wanting, but it was his courage that would ultimately define him.

I felt that I was at the rock bottom of my life - graduated and unemployed. The feeling wasn't strange. I had the same feeling when I graduated in 2003 from journalism and decided not to pursue it. At that time, my fellow schoolmates had already started working in various news agencies in China. Having graduated and been ineligible to live on campus, I was living alone in a village near the university and spending my days hiding from 40 degree heat and my nights working on freelance translation works. I didn't need much to support myself. But as far as future was concerned, it was shrouded in doubts.

Eventually, it occurred to me that this was not sustainable. I went to visit my parents briefly, and with their sponsorship I travelled to Shanghai and lived with a friend for a month hoping to land a job there. I remember feeling lost in Shanghai, very lost. I did not like what I saw and felt it was far from what I wanted. While my friend went to work in IBM every morning on a crowded bus struggling to hold on to her lunchbox, I trawled the internet for jobs and walked the streets like a lone ghost. I went to the pubs with my friend once at night and found a man so vulgar that his toothy, libidinous smile haunted me till this day. We were fresh, vulnerable and easy preys for an established man in this city. He had no qualms in showing us that.

Then, I got an offer from a Human Resources magazine where I teared at my interview because of the toxic fumes emitting from their new decor. The other people were apparently alright and well used to it. So when a telephone offer from a company in a coastal village in the far south came through. I  left Shanghai without a shred of regret.

And just like that, my new life started and eventually led me to my most beloved city by south pacific ocean. I stepped out my shell when I left Shanghai. And this time will only be easier.